dec. 29

it's like watching cocoons uncoil
slowly sprawling apart
like ink dancing with water
curling and vomiting out

it's like eyelid acid trips
and wearing tyedye to church
cross language spit in kindergarten
the things that make throats lurch

i'm the water that runs through granite
crawling through empty cracks
you're the elements i cannot be
the counterparts i lacked

dec 16

You created a chemical change
Something irreversible
You've given everything a new state
To my test tube brain

I feel so uneasy
Like I'm on a sitting in a sailboat
Strung behind a carousel
That won't let me be

And the heavy weights
That anchor my heart down
Can be so unforgiving
When I need them around

And the barrier I build up
Is useless when in use
Because it can only let itself down
Near the vanity of you

In a skeletal quaking
My bones, they all shook
Rearranged themselves mistaking
A backbone for no use

Everything I picked apart
Magnetized itself back together
I can't pry myself off of it
I was not made for bad weather

for fuck's sake.

I drove your heart to Mexico
In a three wheeled, second hand car
The license plate expired and
The break lights never turned on
Weight always shifted to one side
Nothing could ever stay center
So we drove on top of dotted lines
And kept your cigarettes in a jar
On the dashboard

I hung a dream catcher above your head
In attempts to cast a spell on you
So that you would dream about me
The way people always do
The keys, they sang out of tune
The same way you sing to mine
And the tranquility that erupted from the screeching tires
Reminded me of your candour
Spiked in my coffee

You counted the rips in the interior
Of the elderly scented car
It amounted to the numbers
Of the hours we spent apart
And when you asked if we were there yet
I asked you the same thing back
I don't think that we're ever going to get there
I don't even own a map
Can you handle that?

False Innuendo

Your two cents rust me right through
Your sentences have turned me on
I've got mountains raised along my limbs
My hands are shaking, so are my arms

I wish you'd look at me without a lens cap
And see the things I wish to convey
You've misunderstood love so many times
I don't know how to get up again

And the jubilee of imperfection
Is in a self titled manner
I will never be like them
Not even if it's what I wanted

I strummed a melody on your vocal chords
I just wanted some type of progression
But the notes went sour
My legs are weak
I'm too unstable to support my heart
Too unstable to let myself be

dec. 8

I threw my hands up
I let them kiss the sky
And as I exhaled your words
The birds they flew by
But they never stopped to sing

So you waited at the station
For the train that wouldn't come
And in our battle of attrition
You ate up victory, I'm done
I said I was done

You get angry that she's quiet
I am sad, because you are too
When you stained my shirt
With the mirror shards
I never thought it would turn blue

I hung my shoes on a wire
Like bittersweet mistletoe
You treat them like a ladder
A place you cannot go
But it's where I stand

Your eyelids they flickered
And I decided to leave
I don't know if you need me there
Or would wait for me
But I couldn't breathe

Like a volcano on a hillside
I brought myself down
My thoughts no longer fit
Where they should stay
I watched everything burn itself down

asdfasdf

You're a magnet in my bed of nails
Try and shake this off
The way you washed you hair
With bright blue tears
And never tried to talk

You slurp up broken mirrors
But you can't ever shake this off
Images floated down
And slept in your stomach
While you ran from being caught

Well I keep on repeating
The lines of broken songs
And I've settled for
The tick of your watch
To cool my shaking nerves

When I ask if you're okay
Just please move your teeth
Leave them exactly where they were
And always return to me
Don't mop up all of your sorrows
With the hands that pushed you down
Melting clocks will soon disappear
But I could always be around

I'll be around

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Lights sing like crickets
So you only sit in the dark
And you pull away like racecars
Nobody can get you out
When you laugh, your voice cracks
Only because it's never pure
You may be like gold to me
But you cannot be pure

I watched you flail like a fish
On the end of a line and hook
But I could never keep you in
You just returned to where you were
And we moved so far forwards
But you always turned around
I can't keep up with your speeding thoughts
I couldn't then and I cannot now

I'll keep asking the same questions
Whys, and wheres, and hows?
I'll spend an eternity underneath
The things that weigh me down
No, I can't rid the ghosts that keep me down
There's always something that can keep me down

So I floated through an ocean
Surrendered to all I've met
And while they ran back and forth like a boomerang
I could never catch my breath
And when your lightbulb just went black
I counted the seconds down
Till you found something new
That you could be around

I'm treated like a time bomb
Something that expires
I can never keep you long enough
Before your eyes get tired

With Swarovski Intent

The first line started out well..I don't know what happened.

Through city stretch binoculars
Still wet with fingertips
I watched your old ghost climb through
Street cracks and hurried lips

Frantic pea-coated lovers cry
Combat boots too heavy to move
With perfectly embossed eyes
And hands with coffee mug grooves

I watched an old man drop his cane
From the top of a sky scraping world
Liberated from his ball and chain
And now unable to move

His paralyzed legs didn't worry him
Now his words moved like acrobats
Because he was far too young
To eat up what he had lacked

The window that had stared me down
Now fogged up it's own face
And billions of feet kiss their leader's heels
While I I daydream you and pace

The circumference of my eyes is filled with a ring
From peering through crystal glass
And my legs have been crossed and fallen asleep
Like every single person who has passed


:(

Copper Underwater

You wished over my wish
Now the well sits so dry
The stone, and the rope
The bucket and it's eyes
While your sockets nap soundly
Your mouth, you're so coy
I guess we both turned around empty
You hoped that I was more

Your voice is so crisp
A ghost lives in your vertebrae
Last night it kissed my back
Can I tell you what it said?
You wouldn't get it, at first
But I'd let you have more time
To digest every sentence
With the skin of your teeth

I counted all of my gold
And pushed it in a velvet sack
Hoping fabric would dissolve it
And give me everything right back
But instead it turned my fingers
Purple with regret
And inside I was left with
Everything I'll never get

With you, you are greedy
But my gold counts as feelings
The spaces between fingertips
And the outline of your breathing
So let me earn everything back
I'll keep it around my feet
I'll let my love weigh me down
You can let it come back to me
Just let it come back to me.

Waiting to win the lottery

You turned your speech into rocks
And threw them at my window
You caught my attention
But I couldn't seem to hold yours
While they picked up momentum,
They shattered what I had been holding
And within every piece that fell
I saw everything that's happened before

Like a leech, I'll latch on
To the comforts of your skin
Like a watch, you'll control me
Spinning in every direction

Next time I see you
I know your air will be much different
You won't smile like you used to
I can't guarantee that you'll listen
And when you retrace your steps back
To the place we know they came from
I know I will be where I was left
And you'll regain all that you were missing

Like a leech, I'll latch on
To the comforts of your skin
Like a watch, you'll control me
Spinning in every direction

And they're done, you're done, she's done, he's gone
I'm done, he's done, and now everybody's gone.

Tracing Your Body (nov 16)

I slurred my words through your tin-can phone
You missed the most important part
Because every syllable got tied up
Around the string that couldn't keep it apart
But I'll keep singing you your favorite sonnet
Pretend it is a work of art
Because to me, you are a work of art
Yes, you are a work of art

You buried your head in a castle made of pillows
As if you were trying to breathe it all in
Their thoughts that slept there, you'd eat them up
And you'd shut your eyes when they started to spin
I'll still write you songs for the hell of it
One day you may find it all out
I think it's best if you found it all out
No, I don't know if you'll figure it out

I keep wrapping my arms around things
That don't know how to stay
I know it's hard not to get tired
You know it's hard for me to be brave
So I'll trace around your body
And keep it deep in my memory
They'll stay deep in your memory
I hope you can remember me

Now I can see my breath
Form in clouds of white
Your seasons change
You were dark, you are light
And when this plays for you
I hope you hear it straight
Around the clinking glasses
Who wish to congratulate
You at your best
I hope you can be free
You are all the good things
That could never come from me.

Tell me how to be happy.

I am tired of the way
You are through every wire
I am tired of the faces
That all tower over me
I am tired of feeling
Like the dust on your winter jacket
I am tired of being
Everything I shouldn't be

I would've laid down bricks
Or I would've laid down my own bones
To build us each our own separate walls
Because I know you like to be alone
And to keep everybody out
From everything you keep in,
Don't hold yourself up
With all of your mood swings

You were brave when you were young
But I know your pupils bathe in fear
As you watch everything you've built up
Fall down, you're down again, I hear
I could wash away the scent
That keeps you tied so low to the ground
But you hold a stop sign to your left
That I don't know how to work around

So I'll wait outside your doorway
And buy into the lies from your welcome mat
Where so many soles have walked upon
And so many more have walked back
I might wait around forever
So I invite you to take your time
Figure out how you're going to take it all away
Pull every thread from your perfect crime

butterfly structure (nov.10)

Your sorrows sing sadly
From your broken golden trumpet
I can feel it when you play it
Through all melodies you've forgotten
So when you spit words on a canvas
Place them down symmetrically
So you can compare yourself
To what you are and what you see

You talk
And you melt
And you crumble
Once again
You sound
Like the notes
That I've wroteOnce again
I'm scared your eyes
Will lose place
And make you fall
Once again
So I'll try
To sit back
I know you'll
Let them win

Your accent holds cracks
You let them slip through your lips
Where they travel in every direction
Finding something new to grip
So when your draw your own body
Make it as ugly as it could be
Everyone will tell you different
About who you are and what you see

You talk
And you melt
And you crumble
Once again
You sound
Like the notes
That I've wrote
Once again
I'm scared your eyes
Will lose place
And make you fall
Once again
So I'll try
To sit back
I know you'll
Let them win

If you're eager then I'm broken
So pick where you'd like to stand
Pinpoint yourself onto a map
And that's where you will land

You talk
And you melt
And you crumble
Once again
You sound
Like the notes
That I've wrote
Once again
I'm scared your eyes
Will lose place
And make you fall
Once again
So I'll try
To sit back
I know you'll
Let them win

NOV 7th.

Fill up your doorway
Let your teeth sleep next to the corners
Of all you can hang on to
Before they whistle you away
Glue your eyes to every keyhole
Where you watch everything rock slowly
As the tarnished gold shakes up your bones
Everything will start to spin

When you can't walk up the stairs
Because of all the things that try and impair you
I'll keep you at the bottom
Until you know you could get back up
And if you can't drive to your doormat
Because of the scuffs your guests have left...
You can have my ears when you have have had enough

Cut your telephone cord
And rest your head beside the people
Who won't leave their feet in cement
Before they send you off to sea
Keep your feet from ever touching
The sand that sleeps underneath you
As you drift towards the borders
Of a land you cannot see

Stretch your eyes onto a bright light
Hoping your sockets could be inspired
Let them forget about you slowly
Then return yourself to me
I'll revive your broken fingertips
Damaged from holding on too long..
Bet that soon you'll be just where you ought to be

the art of construction (nov 5)

Your heart turned into cement
I can see it as it cracks
It travels from your ribcage
Down your uneven, arched up back

Their eyes have turned into tape
They stick to the soles of my feet
You stick to the muscles underneath my tongue
I stick to the person I know I can't be

I tied my ankles to a string
And lowered myself down and sang
About how this isn't what you wanted
About how this isn't what you needed
But when I was able to be raveled back into place
Into the alphabet I can so easily pick up
I returned to being the person who could waste
A day beside everything I can't figure out

You sat under a stone bridge
Thinking it might cure your loneliness
Let your echoes fill the cylinders
Made by the forgiving architect

Who crafted every contour
Hoping to inspire your graffiti poems
When he came to eat the magic you'd left
He was only greeted by your sorrows

Eyelids flicker underneath heavy clouds of rain
And the mirrors know that you're still not the same
So when you're circled with your reflection, tell yourself you haven't changed
From what you stamped on those lips in those unsuspecting ways

I tied my ankles to a string
And lowered myself down and sang
About how this isn't what you wanted
About how this isn't what you needed
But when I was able to be raveled back into place
Into the alphabet I can so easily pick up
I returned to being the person who could waste
A day beside everything I can't figure out

for fun (nov 3)

My eyes are like umbrellas
Rain makes them glassy and like crystals
My regrets fall down like droplets
You could catch them all in fistfuls

I'll open and close them slowly
Can I protect you from the weather?
Let me down slowly
I'm too weak not to tatter

Like a pyramid I can't scale
Your codes engraved too deep to see
I know nothing about myself
You know nothing about yourself
I'm too vague for even me

Did she tell you you're full of flaws?
Did he tie knots around your head?
Did the wallpaper peel when someone broke your heart?
I always say what you've already said

Rhyming makes me feel
Like I'm stirring these tires backwards
The yellow dotted line represents whats mine
And everything I can't account for

But if you choose to drift away
I won't follow you with this boat again
When you throw away what kept you afloat
I hope someone's taught you how to swim

I don't like this.

nov.1

I'd like to set the world on fire
Turning every word into ash
Every minute, a spiraling monster
Of blacks and greys to get you back

I won't water down the oranges
Let the yellows surround your eyes
Let it burn every fingerprint you've left here
Don't ever let this die.


I'll sit with you when I can't feel my tongue
And when it comes back i hope that feeling is gone

I'd like to set my heart on fire
Then it won't act as my brain
Every flicker will let it be content
Every degree will rise, I hope you can change

I'll sit with you when I can't feel my tongue
And when it comes back i hope that feeling is gone

Minute hands will run out of breath
They'll let you be when you say its time
I cannot stand to see you feel like this
I won't let you stay to feel like this
And when the ribbons that tie you down
Let you walk away from this town
Don't let these footprints hold you up against the wall
Don't let these footprints hold you up against, the wall.

I'll sit with you when I can't feel my tongue
And when it comes back out I hope that feeling is gone
I said I hope what your feeling, will be gone.

october 26th (sharp tusks)

I'm the ivory in every room
Just waiting for wind to disturb my bones
I hate the ghosts in every room
The dead air space between me and you

I'm no longer the tape that holds everything together
I just want to be the liquid that lets everything be

You were just the firefly i mistook for the moon
Encircling my head, like a drunk carousel pony
Dry yourself off from the light of the moon
I know there must be something that's drowning you

I'm no longer the tape that holds everything together
I just want to be the liquid that lets everything be

I'm awake in the violet under your eyes
Implanted in what won't let you sleep
Dance in the blanket shielding your eyes
Sometimes uncomfortable is a good place to be

I'm no longer the tape that holds everything together
I just want to be the liquid that lets everything be

I'm the ivory in every room
Just waiting for wind to disturb my bones
I hate the ghosts in every room
The dead air space between me and you
Your eyes are dead in the space between me and you.

um um a couple days ago.

i am so tired of being attached to my waist
i've ridden this whole cycle more times than i can take
if i could scream, or be silent, you would never be satisfied
if i could be stronger, or less something, you could open your eyes
i need someone to stop letting go

the curve of every letter couldn't explain what i've thought
the murmur of every secret couldn't ever help me out
i'm nothing of what you're thinking, im everything you know
i'm nothing of what you're thinking, i'm everything you know,
i'm everything you've ever thought, i hate what you think you know.

i am so tired of being put on the back of the burner
another tire fastened loosely to the door
losing more with every faulty step i take out of line
every chalk mark reassures me this has happened before
so please ask me again why i don't talk anymore

Don’t kidnap the spells that once ran through broken fingers
Because they’re dry and unable to create
When these letters lose all of their shape
You'll find something to suit taste
something perfect for you to waste

oct 16

Sometimes I wish I could be the one who wins
I’ve seen too many ribbons raveled around too many torsos
And too many footprints I’m unable to fill
I’ve had my eyes glued to clocks and I’m still waiting for time to stand still
The tilt of your head said you’d heard of the new record
The midnight of my eyes tried to kidnap that of yours
Now you’re electric, as if you were an eel
And now I’m awkward on the outside, not knowing what to feel

You were the first after the epic
A poem that lasted far too long
Trying to fit in every detail from every vowel I wrote
And every single time you were ever wrong

writing class intimidates me.

I could burn a hole in this floor,
just waiting to inspire, or be inspired
if I could, I’d hold on to this for longer
but I am far too tired
there’s a ghost wherever we used to be
the lack of your presence, present.
I would whisper every explanation you need to hear
But I don’t know how to be closer.
In a room full of storming heads
I am the only one without a basket
Catching syntax if you’re lucky
I’d wait around and catch when your crystals drop, if you’d only asked it.
Don’t kidnap the spells that once ran through broken fingers
Because they’re dry and unable to create
When letters lose all of their shape
That’s the day I’ll know I’ve had it.


i'm turning blue with every day i can't do this.

september 26th.

I don’t know how to write if you haven’t given me a reason to hurt
Every bittersweet sentence drips with everything wrong
With the way my mind works and the way my breath breaks
Dig your heels into this, it won’t take too long.
Every word I mean is an allegory
Every letter is just an acronym for something much deeper than myself
I don’t know how to speak, so I could teach you how to listen
Extract every vowel from my heart I’ll make sure it’s written.



losing
my
touch

09/24/08

i thought if i followed your footprints
i wouldn't have ended up so behind
every tear track is another train track
and another reason you aren't mine
if i could lock my eyes with yours
i'm sure everything else would intertwine
you're not the person i thought you were
you are the only reason i keep on trying

i would like to outstretch myself on the rug of diversity.

sept 07 08

this pen is drawing curves and zig zags becuase i don't know how to think straight
yours is drawing x's and o's, trying to catch me, i think you've trapped me
i don't know how to speak
but you just don't know how to listen
i'll ink a wishbone on my forearm
you'll find another door to kick in.

you're nothing of your own, i've seen you mopping up their feelings
regurgitate what you stole, we all know there's so much we're concealing
i could take a step
but i can't guarantee you'd take it back
let me rebuild everything i thought
and you can teach me how to crack

if i could relearn some charm maybe i could have avoided everything
if you understood how i am, maybe there wouldn't be anything
but every x is a mountain
and every three are only mistakes
come over for some lessons
i can teach you how to break.

i tried to hold my head up, every bad word i tried to chew
if you flattened me out completely, this wild heart would still protrude
i can't grasp whatever's happened
i guess i'll pretend i know what i believe in
invite me to sit down
and i'll just listen to my own breathing

you forgot what this was about

aug 24

don't tell me if you're empty this is how you feel

recreate your art and try and catch some attention
ask me to elaborate, I know you won’t be listening
cyclone around the washing machine, it’s so hard to stay dirty
when cleanliness leads to loneliness, assume something is missing
dry yourself off and see if this is worth saving


it’s revealed, we’re all exposed
we’re more beat up than you know


everyone was on the opposite side, of a bridge implanted with fire
everyone’s heard every breath, every eye shift says it’s tired
i’m imperfect, you’re indifferent, we form the worst possible pair
vulnerability is all i’m made of, i can’t wash it out of my hair
i’m tired of this feeling, please teach a lover how not to care.


i need you the way you don't need me.

aug 21/22

the night owl coos wishing it could get closer to you
with glossy eyes, like the lips of the one that you missed
could you open your window, i don't know how to breathe
we're sucking in our own oxygen, reinventing the people we wish we could've been
and i'm happy.

dont ever walk backwards, people might forget what we did
come sit beside me, we can feel how we did
now everything's different
but i still feel the same
if there's a fork in this road, i hope you'll come my way

the roadmaps are lying, i can't cross this street with ease
your punctuation is lying, you're not as mature as you believe
for forever i was for forgiving, until the day i saw the tracks
imprinted in my shoulders, and all along my back.
but i'm alright.

dont ever walk backwards, people might forget what we did
come sit beside me, we can feel how we did
now everything's different
but i still feel the same
if there's a fork in this road, i hope you'll come my way

i can't talk, and we're still laying in the same spot
you sound the same as you did every other day to me
now you've got something else
but i'll wait all the same
please promise you'll remember my name.
and i'm ok.

dont ever walk backwards, people might forget what we did
come sit beside me, we can feel how we did
now everything's different
but i still feel the same
if there's a fork in this road, i hope you'll come my way

we were not ever normal, and we never will be
not laying in imprints, not ever running back to this
breathe deeply when you're confronted

aug 17

i stood behind bulletproof glass
and you were target practice for my speech
and I positioned you on the other side
where you watched my sentences puddle at your feet
i don’t really know anything about being like you
and I never thought that recycling and forgiveness went hand in hand
the same way everything you ever said was tongue in cheek
the same way you felt before we played tongues and cheeks

it's not like me to dig in the dirt
scrubbing bones just so i feel a little less
or maybe it's so i can feel a bit more
if there's something to rely on, it's already gone, i'm sure.
you cant expect a firecracker to go off without notice
just like you cant expect a bomb to solve everything that makes you scared
the thing that keeps you up at night should never be replaced
you were all that kept me up at night so look me in the face
i want you to write it on my lips that it wasn't for the chase
im begging you to try and tell me the feelings were never the same

if i walked backwards for eight hundred blocks
we could meet again and have better intentions
and i wouldn't have spent
two whole years
counting the cents/sense i've lossed

heha. august 4th

you cleaned off your slate before i even began on mine.
i guess we're both too late, i know i run from the time
because when the hour hand swivels it's drawn a line
a boundary that stops me from taking a hint
because it's too busy trying to smother my lips;.

click click's gone the switch that's turned my lights off
the butterflies in my brain have stopped stirring it up
words curved in footprints at your spot, yeah you're spotted
have no impact on me, you were never really what i wanted.

i sat your feet, chained your legs, we've never ever been even
with your casual ignorance you altered everything i believed in
now you're raveled in something else i can't hope you will succeed in
because you deserve to sit on the receiving end for a while
no, i don't want to see you hurt, but right now i don't want to see your smile.

click click's gone the switch that's turned my lights off
the butterflies in my brain have stopped stirring it up
words curved in footprints at your spot, yeah you're spotted
have no impact on me, you were never really what i wanted.

i thought i felt you breathing through your teeth
but you decided we were never that close
and when you said i was important
i never realized i had to take a number.


click click's gone the switch that's turned my lights off
the butterflies in my brain have stopped stirring it up
words curved in footprints at your spot, yeah you're spotted
have no impact on me, you were never really what i wanted.

it's been too long. july 24

it's been twenty four days
can you count twenty four days
since i've cared enough about what you've slurred
and you haven't changed your ways

what do you do when your inspiration
is something you don't know how to deal with
and what was once dead air in my ears
is now dead air in my sight

you've broken me
i forget how to write.

june 29th, 08

i have so many emeralds stuck in my throat.
you've got so many rock falling out of your mouth.
heavy machinery wheels grind words whenever anybody talks
we always fall victim to the weight of these rocks.
i am no good at any of this.
i thought you were too good for any of this.
but you are no good at any of this.

i would crawl to the sun if it meant i would come out brighter
you would sit on the moon if the heat was too much
the grooves that you've slept in will never compare to your skin's texture
so don't squint your eyes, you're words pour out of more than light fixtures.
nobody can be good at this.
we will never be good at this
one of us needs to be good at this.

i could sleep between blue lines if you would ever join me
you would hide behind red ones if you it meant you weren't revealed.
blank looks and blank sheets, all agree they've got nothing
i hope that one day you'll get your tongue back for somethhing.
i'm trying so hard to be good at this.

june 22nd.

it's unnatural for my back not to be broken
from carrying the weight of everything i've ever known.
and from all the times you've walked across it
but the truth is i bury all of my broken bones
you never asked permission to dig what i bought for you
into the grooves between shoulder blades
every single feeling i've ever felt for you
you've smashed between my vertebrae

don't ask for a heart you don't know how to keep
cause i'm sick of having to find it for you
and i've tried for too long to hold it up
so slide your hands down and feel what you've caused to sink.

somehow you've slipped something inside of my greens and blues
i didn't think that your diction could get under my skin
and now red is getting darker because of the ink from your words
and you've pumped regrets in my brain that i've begged not to go in
you never asked permission to break what i've been holding
i never even told you that you'd have to try
now every single feeling i've ever felt for you
is smeared town the pathways trailing out of my eyes.

don't ask for a heart you don't know how to keep
cause i'm sick of having to find it for you
and i've tried for too long to hold it up
so slide your hands down and feel what you've caused to sink.

you were at the top of my lungs.
who knew two syllables could set me off.

june 19th.

i can't understand it when you play me messages backwards.
and answering machines can never capture your emotions
and when i started, i said i would try and relax first.
but i found out that was not an accurate notion

i'm getting good at contorting to fit like a ring around your finger.
although you're not holding promises, and i'm not sure if i am.
to you, i'm the cheapest metal, and you're expecting green skin
but i could never push revenge on somebody i want to let in.
and although you think i'll tarnish
i'll be the best you've ever seen.

maybe i'll propose ideas to you
using only prepositions
and we'll go on walks without weather recommended clothes
and i'll wait until we're in a better condition

june 9th. i want songwriting/poetry writing to be my career.

NEW: i want the cotton on my shoulder to be darker than the rest.
blacks and blues aren't your color.
and there's this key on my neck
with uneven teeth,
i love your uneven teeth.
there's nobody i'd rather be beneath.

we don't know how, but i want to swim in the salt
let your eyes sting just this once
and cigarettes on your breath, just another fault,
that i hate,
you're the only one that i can't hate
please drop me a line, i don't need any bait.

i want to see you when you're vulnerable
but you don't know how to let me in
and i'm trying now to be stable
it's strange
yeah, i know you're strange
but there's so many things i hope you'd never change

you are so important.


OLD:
i want the cotton on my shoulder to be darker than the rest.
blacks and blues aren't your color.
and there's this key on my neck
with uneven teeth,
i love your uneven teeth.
there's nobody i'd rather be beneath.

i want to swim in the salt,
but we don't know how.
and there's cigarettes on your breath
something i hate,
you're the only one that i can't hate
please drop me a line, i don't need any bait.

i want to see you when you're vulnerable
but you don't know how to let me in
and i'm prying now
but you're full
i wish you weren't full
i think we're both what we need just to be a bit stable.

you are so important.

i like you the same way i like cats,


if you tripped and fell inside my head
you would positively be submerged
by mirror images and your favorite shirt
looking at yourself, and your dirty clothes
yeah, it would be kind of hard to hold a stare
especially when you look at meaningless eyes.

i would sit on the hour hand if i could weigh it down
please hope that our outlines are still there.

may 26th...ish

i've been lots of places, some of them i can't recall
sometimes i think i was there, sometimes i don't think i was there at all
but all of my friends have best friends
and all of my thoughts have plans
one day i'd like to pour my words past your teeth
but i don't think i ever i can.

i'd like to preoccupy my mind with something else
but i think my cerebellum has a crush on you..
i've asked it to please leave you alone
but it said no, and i lost the argument.
and every time you've wasted my time
i'd still categorize it as time well spent.

i'll return your ashtrays and ignorance in a yellow envelope.
and you'll send me nothing, because you'll probably run out.
there is nothing more i would like than interest from you.
please check the yes box.

may 14

it's likely that i'm just greedy,
but your personality, it's delicious
i don't know, there's just something about it, it's
it's fill of twists, and so i'm,
i'm so sorry, but
i must get rid of it!

now, maybe i'm just nervous but, it's
it's hard to impress you, and i'm
i'm sick of guessing you, i want,
just want to lay next to you, and so i'm
i'm so so sorry, but
there's just so much i can do.

well, it's possible you don't like me, except
i looked into your eyes and it seemed,
like you wanted to try, but maybe i dreamed,
because i hate goodbyes, but i think you should,
be, so, so sorry
because you don't tell me a single thing
and i would give you anything
and i want this more than everything
so please don't talk about the ring
and let's just play a little bit of ping


...pong


accept me.

may 4.

some news was spat at me from the receiving end of a pay phone
anonymous calls, i wish i heard it from you.
dirty plastic is different from your breath on mine
i wish, i wish, i wish.

your couch cushions remind me of
more than i want to know
and every song we ever heard and every character that we ever watched
reminds me of everything we got to know

someone who never arrives,
it's you
and every lap i've sat on,
i wish it were yours
every set of eyes i've accepted,
the pair wasn't your own
every word i've written,
i aimed it at you

TOO MUCH MOLDY PEACHES (in the best way) APRIL 15

you're a crystal meth character
and it's hard to be loyal to anybody except you.
i grinded up your words and now there's ashes under my nose
and i said no when you asked me if
this was a bad habit.

there are rings around my fingers
but not one is made of metal
and i've got rings under my eyes
but i'll say i've never felt better
and i've got ringing in my ears
but it just drowns out any silence
and the rings on every napkin, well,
they just want you to say sorry.

i forged your signature on my own love note
and you might be happy now i'm in a different boat.
but our dotted i's just looked so convincing
and i think we used my favorite pen

and it seemed like we chose some interesting paper
not just the squares you roll your cigarettes with
and this time we didn't make me pay for postage
although the mailman didn't have very far to go.

but i'm okay with that because i think the mailman was tired
or he might have run out of 'could not be delivered" stickers


i think i may have gone insane!

april 12

i put a seed in my back because i thought then you'd like me
it didn't work, but anybody could've told me that.

april 7 (out of order)

padlocks grip on much easier than they fall off
and keys are found much slower than they are lost
words will hit much faster then they are spoken out loud
and time bombs won't ever be the type to wait around.

i am (not) wrong.

april 10

i changed my clothes, washed my hair
and i've stopped wearing all of your jewelry
i could pick you out from behind in any crowd
but i'm so tired of staring at your back.
this repeated dialogue is getting tired
the words so close together, they form half moons under my eyes
if i could tell you anything i wouldn't
and i don't want you to detach me from whatever i'm hanging on to.

pleasedon'tcutmeinhalf.
because you know i couldn't stand anymore of that

april 6th

YOU'RE NOT THE PERSON I THOUGHT YOU WERE.

April 2

falling ladders have got me farther back then when i started
and rope burn has left me sitting at your feet
i need forewarning for the next time you empty the change from your pockets
because metal grates were never a good place to be

if the blacks of our eyes could stop dancing
i would love to let you see right through me
and i would string you an alphabet
and if the limbs of the clock could get distracted
maybe i could trust you and you might understand it
and maybe then i might have been able to handle it

if you decide to turn your head to the opposite side of the room
could you at least tell me i don't need to be glued to your hip?

let's make checkerboards with crossed legs
and we'll hang on handlebars like i hang on your words
if you could look me in the eye before you let go
because i'm telling you now i will not be the first

let me (back), let me (back), back inside your head
because i fell faster than i ever did.
take me (back), take me (back), back to your bed
i am completely sorry for everything i've ever said.

March 28th.

i have so much i can give
but there's only so much i can take
i get that feeling in my throat when i think of you
but it only gets tighter when i think of myself
and the footprints trailed along my back
go hand in hand with the intensity of my grip

please take me out of this state of mind
because i'm exhausted from being stuck at the border.

March 27

if i ruined it completely
be assured i didnt mean it
not that you would've cared
but i needed to comprehend it.

the transmitter has broken down
and my static-filled words have become delayed
and now you're cutting out, and it's just screeching now
so pictures on the film strips stored in my brain
will constantly be replayed

talk before i'm grinded into dust
or at least put your hand on my chest
and feel my syncopated breathing
because you're the only person i want to trust.

March 25th

all i am now is just naked teeth
with imprints on my fingers and lines on my face
please reassure me this is not just for show
please reassure me you won't stray away.
if you could confirm it my eyes would stop shifting
and if you could agree to it my brain might stop racing
please don't use it, please don't break it
it is no longer mine, don't let it stop beating.

march 16th

you throw out 'i love you's' like you throw out my letters
and it's coincidental that they both end up being recycled.
i wouldn't call it being angry, rather an apology for two
and i'm sorry i've wasted all of your time

your nonchalant attitude cuts like the diamonds
that i've drowned you in, now you're spitting up sparkles
and i'm drenched in the specks that flicker in your eyes
the pigments that are indescribable, completely remarkable.

we could say you've done nothing,
and from another perspective i guess you have not
but i'm overly sensitive to everything
like the words you weave to the things you've thought

i'm tired of talking down to you and myself
because i know i'm doing neither of us any favors.

march 13th

i erase everything i say because i know it will be used against me
and everything i say is too much, it's always too many
chances i give you, please take what's left
of my fragmented words, because i've tried my best.

your fingernails are curved and jagged
like the hair in your eyes
and the outline of the moon
i'll set my watch next time, until you say it's too soon
but i know you'll be late, and you know i can wait
but maybe next time you shouldn't write in pen.

so with every tarnished piece of jewelry
you've ever given to me
you can remember that you've worn me out.

march 9

i wish i could just wish to stay in my own shoes
instead of asking to switch seats with everybody in the room
because i liked what i thought you said much better than what you've actually said
and now i'm stuck with uncomfortable chairs
and shoes with too much room left to fill.

March 9th.

i wish i could just wish to stay in my own shoes
instead of asking to switch seats with everybody in the room
because i liked what i thought you said much better than what you've actually said
and now i'm stuck with uncomfortable chairs
and shoes with too much room left to fill.

March 5th

maybe next time we wont try to move backwards
we won't start with the brutality of all your attack words
but your hand in mine was such a pretty sight for sore eyes
and i probably wouldn't fix it if i tried.

i'd ask you to erase everything we've ever talked of
pop pins through the dreams i'd store in every comic bubble
but just because your colored outside the lines doesn't mean i'll go easy
and when you find out this is for you, could you please just go easy
and when i tell you it's not, could you pretend to believe me?

i'm infatuated with the periods that will end all my thoughts
and the commas that will link us, and everything i don't trust
apostrophes only show that i'm not the only one
but don't quote me on this because i'll deny it for too long.
exclamations build me up before you can even let me down
please question me.

March 4th

your split ends curl upwards,
like wallpaper when you enter a room
and underneath it is knotted
like the nest where you sleep
what will happen when the branch that's been holding you up
is too weak to support the load you lay down
we will fall together, from thirty thousand feet in the air
it shouldn't be this difficult
to move your teeth out of the way

please demolish every thought i've ever had of you

March 2nd, extended metaphor.

You are a complex, intricately written novel, filled with dog-eared pages and countless rips and tears. The words vomited across your sheets of parchment are simplistic and casual, playing on the feeling of reliability, although I can never be sure of your authenticity. Your insides are plastered with standard, emotionless script that is constantly begging me to read between the lines, while the whites of your pages hide anything of importance. The syntax and movement of your contents pace in time with the beating in my chest. Your firm, sharp, yet bendable spine is the exact opposite of the identity that admires you the most, and your hard cover protects an inadequate amount. If I would dare to pry past your attractive, distracting shield, your insides would pour outwards, resembling a volcanic eruption of punctuation drenched in black ink. The numbers positioned delicately at the bottom right corner of every page continuously tallies the amount of times you have said the inappropriate thing at the most unexpected of times. Your lack of articulation, and the uncreative vocabulary you have painted onto blank pages encircles eyes, giving the bookworm a false feeling of comfort and nostalgia. The anticipation of turning the page inserts unexplainable emotions and uncertainty into the bloodstream of your temporary guardian. While the frays that frame your main attraction force-feed me repeated information, something will always lure me into your carousel of reoccurring facts and fiction. The periods which you dot so carefully at the end of your narrative sentences resemble how easily you can stop your thoughts, and how easily you can block out the ones you do not want to let in. You perch yourself above others while loitering on the top of dusty bookshelves, and you force me to extend and contort just to graze your outer shell. Somehow you fit perfectly into the grooves of your impermanent owner’s palms, but it feels different when you edge into mine, no matter how tattered your leather, or how worn away your embossing is. Regardless of your condition and your imperfect, unreliable style of writing, you will always be my favorite novel.

february 26th

i dont even know where to begin or start
but all i want to do is tear you apart
but i can only hide behind anonymity
and drop nuclear bombs gradually
all i want to do is write down
everything you do that i can't take
or erase the strikes you've made me draw on these walls
because a clean slate
might be better than this

i can't handle when you talk so quiet
lay your head beside mine because i can't hear
and i'm drowning in inadequate metaphors
melting through locks, and what we've got interlocked.

maybe i could write you a letter
keeping it long so you'll never finish
and writing in cursive so you couldn't read it
maybe i could create the most beautiful picture
illustrating every time i had my fingers crossed
but i'll make sure to leave it out of the frame
in hopes it could give you a paper cut.

~~~

Feb. 24
the moonlight brings out the worst of me
but i love the bones in your wrists
and the veins in your hands.
but your clock says that i've spent too much time on this
all i've got left is to meet expected demands

and i could've sworn it wouldn't turn out like this
but if it was your word, you would've sworn by it
and i'll leave an open space, because i could always improve
and you'll leave fingerprints, because that's what you do.

minutes bring out the worst in you
but you love my shifting eyes
and my water bed back.
but that's why 'hello's' are easier than 'goodbye's'
and that's everything i've ever lacked.

I tried to write something you wouldn't expect
but the mold was just too easy to slip inside
and I tried to say something I wouldn't regret
but i could only come up with 'maybe's, or 'i lied'.
please hold my hands until my fingers go blue
and before you go you could still say you tried.

and i could've sworn it wouldn't turn out like this
but if it was your word, you would've sworn by it
and i'll leave an open space, because i could always improve
and you'll leave fingerprints, because that's what you do.

Shawn Harris.

"Other than literary sources, where do you find inspiration for your songs?"

Quote:

---

SHAWN SAYS: "Out the jam of a fourth-floor safety window, I'm singing lyrics from 'Gravity Rides Everything' by Modest Mouse and trying to trace their reasons for writing it. Heavy raindrops are rushing toward stones and grass, and up here I'm harmonizing, 'Everything will fall, fall right into place'. My perception of time starts to drag lazily; the fat drops slowing down, no hurry for a splash.
It took my little brain most of the damn song to conclude, 'Hey, it's snowing!' I was a raindrop and now I'm a piece of snow; different state- same constitution. Slow down- no rush for the ground. Gravity is the worry that rides everything, but the snowflakes have the right idea. I don't know if that's how Modest Mouse came up with their song, but it's how I've stumbled upon one of my own."

Before January 20th./08

let's talk for a minute, we'll sit on invisible chairs
i'll stutter through thoughts, and you can pretend that you hear
but it won't take place because i can't stand the thought
of you pulling at your collar, i know it's not what you want.
disconnect, i'll converse with the dial tone
a repeating reminder of what's left to depend on

trying to pass the time
we'll throw our syllables around
and just as thoughtful as you are
i'll wonder what has kept them down
and this density left in the air
if you were consumed entirely, i'd still doubt that you'd care

you're living in a game where you're unable to backtrack
yet you revolve how you act around backstabs and stab-backs
and for the record on regrets, it's a strike for a strike
but when you let go of your diagonal make sure you don't get hit

''take back what you sold'', you don't want it anymore
''talk a little more'', or until your mouth is dry
''come a little closer'' just so you can push me away?
check your watch one more, as if you did this every day