you piece of shit

"why don't you want me to be happy?"
i ask, or plead,
beg.
though, i don't know who 
i'm speaking to.
such hostility, i line my words with
concrete edges,
hardened, like the docile statue i feel
i now resemble.
and i stay confused;
unsure of who it is that i am to resent.
everyone is a barricade,
and every pale limb of mine,
or yours,
is just another chain, with a lock
and a key, 
that nobody wants me to find.
under your tongue, in your throat,
in your fucking pathetic mind.
you give me trails with dead ends
or none at all,
because you want me to remain lost.
and i swear,
that if you place one more brick on top of 
the weak foundation which you created,
you moulded,
and you left,
i certainly will collapse.

untitled SB

on, it was like a trip.
through neon clouds
and flashing,
throbbing light spots,
i hallucinated.
i hallucinated you,
and for you.
i longed for the shadow
who would have held the gun,
too;
and i cry tears, still,
still not knowing
if they are from you,
or for you.
and to think,
i have gotten what i wanted.

coordinates

 can remove myself,
and replace my body
with another,
replace the front door
with a staircase,
and leave, or let go.
i can contort myself,
and taste the discomfort,
lick my lips
or another’s
and learn once again,
how to breathe.
distance held me close,
and it kept me warm
and still;
and still, i remain the only place
i cannot leave. 

ring me out

scratch my back, you said,
and i’ll scratch yours.
but i could never reach the spot
that you needed
touched.
maybe it was my too small hands,
or short arms,
but the distance of your skin remained 
too far to feel. 
and now i turn myself
inside out, like a winter coat,
and ask myself why
i cannot keep warm. 

kaleidoscopic pressure

let every part of you drop;
let each joint sink back
down through the soil of which you grew from. 
put what beats you on ice,
and freeze it,
and remember what warmed you.
that heat, which clouded 
your body, and burned through the half moons
under your eyes.
you once thought,
that your chest
could no longer hold all of the fingerprints which
you’d laid upon it;
but you had only just begun.
and now every groove 
of skin is just another corner
where two ends have met, 
if only to move
farther than the tides.

sour lips

how do you keep cherry blossom cheeks,
and remain poised with a bloom that i have yet to know?
what keeps you in tact
when wrinkles seep through your skin,
through the depth of you,
and your heart is no longer young?
you became so good at tying knots,
my girl scout.
you weaved words and tightened feelings,
and you swallowed each knot
as though they were cherry pits in the summertime;
but now you’re tangled.

tristesse

i’ve felt myself slip out,
through an ivory cage,
i’ve watched it escape,
going so far away.
my mind never rests,
it just spins, dizzy
like the organs of heavy machinery.
my body deflates,
mimicking forest green vacation mattresses,
where you let all your effort
go.
and i’ll just let all of me
go.
what keeps my head heavy,
rides on my back,
and weighs down my chest,
and waits for me
to let it win.
but it knows,
i’ve already let it win.